Acceptance

“Ugh, NERD alert. Get out of my face, UGLY!” I can’t believe I threw these hideous words at Sandy. I mean, it’s not her fault her dad got a job transfer from small-town middle-of-nowhere to this New York concrete jungle, leaving her to be the new kid at school.

They call me “J J”, the kids at school. It’s short for “Janelle”, but that kind of goody-two shoes name is too proper when you’re in with the cool crowd. Honestly, I don’t even know why I do the things I do; heck, I don’t even know how I got accepted!

Acceptance...it’s a powerful character in high school; it can make or break you. For me, I guess I just took what was offered. I know half the school would kill to be in my place, but, I’m feeling something different now, a feeling I think they call guilt.

“Ha - what a LOSER, she probably ran off to the library!” snorts Shane, leader of our pack.

“Yo J J, what’s up? Don’t tell me you’re feeling for her!” shouts Steph, just another cool kid. Supposedly, my friend.

“No way guys! I’m cool. I just uh...gotta go. Um, see ya later!” I cover up my true thoughts.

“Yeah, whatever. Later,” Shane mumbles.

You see who I have as friends? Just some heartless teenagers who care for no one and nothing but themselves. What am I doing? Hanging out with these kids whose only form of thinking involves looking good, staying on top of the high-school pyramid, and coming up with smart aleck come backs if anyone dares insult them.

I walk along the hallways, alone. I can feel the incredulous stares of my schoolmates following me as I pass; I guess it’s weird that I’m not walking in a group for once. My feet take me to the library, and I’m genuinely surprised they know where it is. In my three years at this school, I’ve only been there once, teacher’s orders. My heart is telling me what I’m about to do is the right thing, but my image-obsessed brain is screaming suicide. Nothing makes sense. Popularity is nothing, but then again, it’s everything I’ve got.

Internally debating with myself, I slouch against the library door only to spot Sandy talking to...well, the only person at this school who would talk to her. I don’t even know her name, but I recognize her as that girl with the stutter. Their strive for social survival put them together.

My heart pushes my brain aside as I march right up to the two of them. Having no self-control anymore, tears stream down my face as I realize I envy Sandy and her friend. At least they are sitting together, and I am standing alone.

“Please just let me be, Janelle. I was embarrassed enough this morning. Let me hide. Cool kids aren’t supposed to come to the library,” pleads Sandy. Through her muffled sobs and puffy eyes, I guess she doesn't even notice I’m weeping too.

“It’s not like that, really. I just, I guess it’s about time I’ve tried to make some real friends. I mean, I get if you don’t-,” I don't finish my sentence because I feel I’m being watched. Who has ever seen a cool kid cry? But I think, hey, let them watch. Let them know I’m not the rude, obnoxious cool J J, I’m just me. “What I’m trying to say is I’m sorry.”

“How do I know this isn’t some sick cool kid joke?” Sandy eyes me suspiciously, and I don’t blame her.

“You can’t. You just have to trust me. Please?”

Sandy looks me over one more time, and guardedly nods toward the chair in front of her. “Take a seat.”

Acceptance...I’m in.