Choices?

Look at that. One month of summer blown by and then my sister and several other friends will be heading to university. I’ve given it some thought lately, here and there. It is somewhat inevitable to not think about the future when relatives come over to visit and pose the question, “What are you going to do with your life?” Then at interviews or the many meetings that I attend, the question is popped once again, “Where are you going after high school?” Friends start going to Boston and New York during summers for ‘university shopping,’ and it seems as if most of my close friends take SAT classes consuming all their spare time. I even have five SAT books lining my bookcase that I admit to have never touched. Why is there all this sudden hustle and bustle when students should be relaxing and enjoying their high-school years? You’re only young once, but you’re old for a long, long time.

Anna, my sister, was accepted into Yale, Amherst and a handful of other prestigious universities in America. She graduated from Crofton this year with only a few AP courses compared to her classmates, but pages full of extra-curricular activities that she enjoyed devoting her time to. If you’re not involved in any, I highly suggest you get yourself in the loop. The sports and volunteer opportunities opened to you in high school are what make school worthwhile! She did not take SAT classes, but she did study for them on her own. A well-rounded, BALANCED student, she was the perfect candidate. It took her a long time to get to that stage, but she got there. Before, she was completely burnt out from the heavy course loads from an abundance of AP courses and too many responsibilities.

In September, I will be officially starting my first year of IB, otherwise known as the International Baccalaureate program. The program is an accelerated education option for students and is offered in only two public Vancouver high schools, Britannia and Churchill. Now, I’ve been encountering an internal strife and conflict for months now. To do or to not do IB, that is the question. It seems like such a miniscule decision to the many more that I will make in my life, but at this point in time, it is important to me. As a past Middle Years and PRE-IB student, I’ve been preparing for this opportunity for three out of five of my high-school years. Now that I’ve achieved IB, why don’t I want it? Am I crazy? I just did three years of intensive work and I’m thinking of throwing it all away? What for?

For freedom, that’s what. For freedom from oppression and being entitled to artistic development and expression. Don’t get me wrong; IB is a marvelous program run around the world. But, something can only be what the people make it to be. The atmosphere at Britannia and Churchill are polar opposites. As the vice-president of the Vancouver District Students’ Council, this is something I’ve seen first-hand and have been told by the students themselves. Every year, the VDSC hosts a Sister School Switch that enables East side and West side students to exchange schools for a few days with a partner. I was lucky enough to be placed with Britannia, and after I completed the exchange, I returned back to my comfortable West side school where the halls are filled with designer clothes and the student parking lot with a couple of Mercedes. The switch was supposed to break down stereotypes (which it did), but some of those stereotypes are no doubt true.

In retrospect of this year, I observed the students. I looked at my three best friends who had done Middle Years and PRE-IB with me. One was now quiet and barely spoke up although I knew her brain was churning away with brilliant ideas. Why? She was afraid. You’re in a classroom with thirty of the so-called smartest students in the grade. You say one wrong thing, and you will be annihilated. They will have no mercy, because of course, every single statement has to be debated to the point that no refutation is possible! Why does every single casual statement have to be debated anyhow? Can someone not say anything without reprimand and in-depth analysis? The second one was not afraid to speak up, but would always be laughed at by the students and given peculiar looks from the teachers for her statements. My third friend was a true genius. She had skipped a grade and most likely new more about history and science than the entire class combined. Yet, she was never acknowledged for her greatness, and was discreet about her immense talents.

I looked back and realized that there was a lot of anger I still harbored from two out of those three years. I was angry at some of the students, angry at some of the teachers for letting it get this far, and most of all, I was angry at myself. I let them turn me into what I was at that time, bitter, cynical and reserved. Who does another student think he or she is to tell me that I should not have been accepted into Middle Years or PRE-IB? Who does someone think they are to tell another person that they are worthless? To those on the exterior, I was still my chirpy, perky self, but to those dear to my heart, I was cold and ruthless. Before I entered such an academic-centered intensive atmosphere, I believed in my potential and myself. Dream lofty dreams, and so you will become. I was not afraid of dreaming, hoping or planning. I was close to my family. I did not care of what others thought. Then, I became everything opposite of that. It has only been a year since I have recuperated from that bad spell. Now, I honestly could not care less of what someone thought of me. I think I have achieved most of what I have wanted to, and that I have so much more to embrace in life.

I do not know if I want to plunge into such an environment again. I can do IB, take what it’s worth, ignore the pressures from surrounding students and finish IB successfully. Or, I can just take regular schooling and still get as far as I would’ve with IB without all the incessant pressures and stress. I have a hectic schedule, full of school and district student government, sports, arts, music, tutoring, volunteer and a job to top it off. The student today, was not the student of yesterday anymore. For my best friend Joy, the issue is that she is not past the point where she can forget about what people expect of her and what people will say once she sends her leave to quit IB. She’s afraid and I can’t blame her. I think I’m scared too. People will talk and will most likely have their opinions. Who is not afraid of being judged? In every single human, there is a weak point, a breaking point. A flaw. I myself am looking forward to the advanced education I will receive from IB, but I do not know if the people around me will mold it into something else. If so, do I have the willpower to change it to suit my needs and wants? Can I resist falling into the vicious cycle? Am I strong enough?