Are You a Walking Mid-Life Crisis?

We vary greatly, from the rare species of grade 11 students who meander through the halls with an air of self-assurance and practically tangible confidence; to the endangered few who shuffle under mounds of books, eyes barely visible over thick spines and overstuffed binders, nervously darting out of the way of oncoming grade 12s while sneering at grade 10s; to the more common majority of students who linger between both extremes. Superior, but insecure – that’s a grade 11 student.

We grade 11 students are walking mid-life crises. Barely 17, we sometimes look at new grade 10s with disdain, grateful that we are no longer at the bottom of the food chain at high school. We no longer have to fret about making friends, avoiding those with whom we are not well acquainted. We dress impeccably, attempting to look far older than we are in the vain hopes of escaping the scrutiny of all of those over confident and critical grade 12 students. However, we’re still not quite there yet, are we? Although we’re not at the bottom of that metaphorical chain (while it’s unspoken, we all know it exists, from getting forced off of the bleachers, to being pushed around in the cafeteria) – we’re not at the top of the chain either.

We’re not as confident as we’d like to appear. We still receive heart palpitations when new marks are posted, and mingled mutters of, “It doesn’t matter too much, it’s next year that the marks count” fill the air. We can sleep somewhat easier (if we are able to sleep at all) at night, knowing that our marks may have a great impact this year, but not nearly as great as next year’s marks.

Through it all, the majority of us are plagued with a sense of self-doubt. As opposed to sensing the passing of youth, and the transition into old age (as is the common association with a typical mid-life crisis), we grade 11 students sense the passing of youth and the transition into adulthood, knowing that we have but one more year left of high school until we are forced out into the world, left to stand on our two unsteady feet. Most feel a deep sense of remorse for what was not accomplished – especially towards the end of grade 11, when you are able to look back and see how you perhaps wasted those two years of high school merely coasting, or had your head shoved so far into a book you missed all that transpired around you. There are so many raw emotions packed into three short years. After the first year, we grade 11s linger between wanting it all to be over (high school that is), and wriggling with cold shudders at the thought of leaving our comfort zone.

In my opinion, it is at the age of 16 or 17 that we most question our role in the world, where we stand and where we want to stand. We are plagued by questions, some astoundingly deep – I find myself questioning what my purpose in life is daily, though that could just be me. We yearn to go back, but want to move forward as quickly as we possibly can, so we’re stuck in the past while deciding our futures.