Dating an Older Guy: How Old is Too Old?

From a young age, we’ve been told stories and fairy tales which often have one thing in common – falling in love and living happily ever after. As cliché as it may sound, I’m sure that almost every girl is waiting to find the Prince Charming that sweeps her off her feet. Just take a look at the modern fairy tales that have women and girls of all ages going crazy… yep, I’m thinking Twilight.

But what magic force do these guys have that attracts girls like magnets? It’s simple: they’re caring, mature and loving; all ingredients to a perfect guy, and, incidentally, all things we’d generally find in an older guy. This may be why so many girls are seeking to date someone older, not to mention that socially they’re seen as more experienced and mature. But there has to be more to it than that.

I asked 18-year-old Caitlyn, who’s dated both older guys and guys of her age about the perks of dating someone older. “They can drive, and there is a respect there that you don’t find in guys our age. They know how to treat you,” she says.

It’s true that speaking in terms of maturity, a guy who is two years older than a girl would get along with her. But how old is too old? This is where many girls get confused: when does it become dangerous? According to Seventeen magazine, if a guy is more than three years older, you should back off.

Although that is generally the limit acceptable in today’s society, there are girls who end up dating someone who is five, 10 or even 20 years older. It may seem shocking, but it’s more common than you think. Personally, I know at least a handful of girls (and even a few guys) who have dated someone much older than them.

It’s also more dangerous than it may seem. There are all those sayings that “love has no limit” and “age is just a number,” but sadly, we live in a world where they don’t exactly ring true. An older man may make you feel loved and cared for, but there is something wrong when an adult is seeking to date a child. Even within that three-year limit, older guys can pressure you, control you and distance you from your friends and things you should be experiencing at your age.

According to Ornella Svalestuen, a school counsellor at McMath Secondary in Richmond, BC, “The reality is that there have always been girls who have dated older boys and a common reason people will give is that girls are more mature and look for an older partner. Today there are also more boys interested in older girls, and this is also becoming more normalized than in previous generations.”

Whether it’s reality or not, big age gaps in relationships can cause problems simply because of differences in interests, goals and stages in life. Due to these differences, girls can miss out on their high-school experiences and grow apart from their peers because an older partner may not see the value in these things anymore.

Also, there can be increased pressure to engage in sexual activity. “This is again, due to different stages of the couple and also, keeping the older partner, who may be more experienced and expect more in a relationship, in the relationship itself,” says Svalestuen.

So, the best thing to do is stay smart and not be blinded by love (again, cliché). You may think that a much older Romeo (or Juliet) will keep you happy and always know how to treat you; however, in your teen years, it’s probably best to stick to dating within your own age group. There’s plenty of time to find that perfect person, but it’s important to enjoy your youth and live happily ever after right now.