How to Help Your Friends Without Saying a Word

When a friend is going through a tough time, often what we would like to do the most - help them - is the most difficult thing to do. But it is during these times that are most important for friends to be there; but there is a right and wrong way to help a friend get through a serious problem. So here are four tips on how to be there for a friend in need:

Listen.
If you're not fully attentive, you might miss important pieces of information, and it can be an insult to the person you're giving advice to if your suggestions clearly show that you weren't listening. Look for underlying issues, not just the immediate problem, so that you can help them to stop getting into situations like theirs, not just help them get out of the one they're in at the moment. Vicki Fenn, a professional life coach, says, “Often all I've really done is listen and the person thanks me so much. Asking the right questions and listening for what the real concern is are two of the most important things when helping someone.”

Don't jump to conclusions.
Knowing how your friend feels will enable you to give better advice, but assuming that you know how she feels could put you on the wrong track, which will frustrate her more. One of the worst things to do is interrupt with, “I know exactly what you mean.” Interrupting makes it seem like you think what you have to say is more important than what she has to say, which will make her feel like you don't really care - and trying to give advice before she finishes could cause you to give bad advice.

Don't get too eager.
Often when we think we have the solution, it's easy to forget that the friend should be the priority. Don't be too eager to give your advice; it may not even get through to him/her since he/she is too busy worrying about the problem, and with all the thoughts he/she has going through his/her head, the last thing he/she wants is more to think about. Let him/her talk first, and give your opinion once he/she's had a chance to get everything off his/her chest.

Let them talk.
People can work out a problem just by talking about it. “Most often if you give people a chance to talk, they come up with their own solutions, which is a much more effective way to help them than giving advice,” says Fenn. So if you just sit back and absorb what they say while they get everything off their chests, there is a good chance they'll already know what to do by the time they finish telling you everything.

Knowing these things should give you the basic knowledge needed to give good advice. Of course, there are many other things that are important when helping someone through a difficult time, but keeping these four things in mind will at least start you off on the right track, because listening is where it should all begin. If your friend is having a serious problem and you feel they need professional help, speak to a school counsellor.